Do you ever dream of a world where sought after late game items are dirt cheap on the trading post?
Do you ever dream of a world where you have single-handedly manipulated the price of an item?
Hi, I'm Pizzapants, and today I'm going to help you realize that your dreams can become reality.
The Introduction:
I know at this point you may all be thinking:
"Manipulating prices? Is this guy nuts?"
Well, I am nuts, but my insanity is not due to my belief in price manipulation, no, no, no...
Price manipulation is so easy, it can be broken down into a simple five-step process. I know that some of you may have a hard time remembering five whole steps, so I've come up with a handy little acronym to help you remember them:
- Price
- Earn
- "New Method"
- Information
- Sales
or, P.E.N.I.S.
Price:
Price, is the first step of the P.E.N.I.S. protocol.
It involves finding an item on the Alora trading post who's price is way too high for your tastes.
Earn:
Earn, is the second step of the P.E.N.I.S. protocol.
It involves doing a little bit of research on where the item comes from and how easy it is to acquire, or earn said item.
The item you want to crash has to be an item with a relatively high drop rate, as we want to try and flood the market with its juicy deliciousness.
"New Method":
"New Method", is the third and most important step of the P.E.N.I.S. protocol.
We all know that people don't click on posts for information. They click on post for that sweet, juicy, big 'ole title.
It's like click-bait: the more flashy and exciting your title is, the higher probability that someone will click on your forum post.
Take a look at the title of this thread, for example.
We don't want our title to actually inform people about what our thread is about. We want to fool people into thinking that our thread is the solution to all of the worlds problems.
If you need some examples, here are a few...
The Attention Grabber:
YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW THIS SMALL ALORA PLAYER MADE MAX CASH STACKS
The Not Enough Information Title:
Tips and Trix for Muney Makeing
My Personal Favorite:
Watch as the forum moderators actually do their job.
None of your titles have to be true, in fact, none of the example titles have an inkling of truth about them.
The point I'm trying to make here is: don't be afraid to lie with your title. We want BIG and flashy, not honest and informational.
Also make sure to include "New" somewhere in the title. Really gets everyone's hopes up.
Information:
Information, is the fourth and second most important step of the P.E.N.I.S. protocol.
Honestly, who has time for typing up a guide anymore?
I know I don't
Videos are the way to go. No one would ever, in their right mind, read a giant wall of text. *COUGH, COUGH COUGH*
So, make sure your video has at least two of the following:
- An obnoxiously long intro video.
- An incredibly pixelated screen capture of you doing the money making method.
That's it. That's all you need.
Now, what you actually do in the video is somewhat important. Remember, we're trying to crash the price of a sought after item in the trading post.
Try and go into some detail on how your item is acquired/what skill requirements you need to acquire said item.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THE AUDIO QUALITY OF YOUR VOICE MUST BE GOD AWFUL.
If you need a reference point for this, fart into your microphone. If the audio recording of your explanation doesn't resemble this, you're doing everything wrong.
Sales:
Sales, is the final step of the P.E.N.I.S. protocol.
This step involves convincing people that the selling price of the farmed item is waaaaaay cheaper than what it should be.
Make sure you stress this in your video. If you don't sell it well enough, you won't have any hopes of crashing the price of your chosen item.
Well guys, I hoped you enjoyed my informational guide. As long as you remember your P.E.N.I.S. you'll be crashing item prices in no time!
tl;dr start a bot farm
